do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
