It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
