This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
