Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
