i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
