dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
