she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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