I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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