Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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