My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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