Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
