I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
