Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
