is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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