The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
