someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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