So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
