Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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