The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
