I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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