thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
