I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
