Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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