do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
