Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
