I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
