I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
