i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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