ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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