apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
