so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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