RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
