I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
