We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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