why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
