We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
