You made me cry and you don't even care
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
