i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
