What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
