I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
