im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
