Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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