I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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