dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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