so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
