It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
