Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
