So drunk its hurt
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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