NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
