She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
