Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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