You made me cry and you don't even care
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
