I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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