Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
