she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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