I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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